"Yeah, well, ditto. I guess. I don't think he's overly happy when he's with me. So the way I see it is that I shouldn't be around him until he actually wants me to be there. I don't really care for just dealing with anger and resentment. Doesn't turn me on like it used to," John confessed as he slid down, eyes closing unintentionally. It was a lot of effort to pull them open again because all his body wanted to do is recover and rest. And he couldn't do that. "The one thing I can say is that I've never really been jealous of Jack. Not really."

No, he just wanted him, he never wanted to be him. There was nothing from Jack that John wanted as a trait or a part of him. He just wanted Jack as he was and with him. Which he was very aware was a dumb and useless fantasy. "Okay, I'll say. I feel the same right now, just pain. Lots of pain. And I really want to sleep. Fuck, I'd kill to sleep."

Exhaling, he threw one arm over his eyes to cover them from the light. "My eyes are getting worse, you know? Just like that one guy. You know? The first one we saw snuff it. What an ugly way to go."