neverwouldiever | Valiantly Living On.

He had to know that popping it into his mouth like that wasn't helping. In fact, watching him do that only made Jack groan. No use hiding it now that his fantasies were out in the open. "You were loving every second of it, trust me." The hand on the Doctor's leg swept upward, blatantly pressing his fingers and palm against the front of his trousers to search for the Doctor's cock. When he found it under there, he gave him a slow, loving squeeze.

"I've thought about loads of things. Sometimes it's me on the bed with my ankles on your shoulders. Sometimes I'm choking on your cock. Trust me, I've thought of all of it."

In all honesty, the Doctor really had no idea that anything about eating ice cream was anything but innocent. Although Jack's groan just then definitely alarmed him enough to give in an inkling. He might have drawn a conclusion, but then there was Jack's hand and that really became the primary concern very, very quickly.

The Doctor grabbed Jack's wrist and pulled his hand back. He knew he owed Jack for a lot of reason, but not quite enough to let himself be groped out of the blue.

"So. What about if we stop by somewhere? You can go to a bar, find... You know. Attractive people." This was all more than enough to make him blush, but he could handle this. Jack had needs, he had to consider that, especially given he didn't want him to leave.

There was a great deal of frustration on Jack's face when the Doctor removed his hand. He honestly should have expected that, but still, it was less than ideal. He pulled back and away from him, leaning back on one hand and using the other to pull at the roots of his hair.

"Maybe. I'd hate to leave you two alone, though." For more than just safety concerns, really. He looked down at the Doctor, a somewhat concerned look on his face.

"...Do you not think you're attractive?"

"Well, it wouldn't have to be for long, would it? I won't leave you stranded, if you're worried about that." Not that he could have blamed him if he was. Quite justified, on the whole, but things had changed. The Doctor didn't just feel as if he owed Jack, he felt as if he needed him. Which was all too scary a thought, because he always ended up losing. "I can be alone with him for a while. I can handle him, don't worry."

The question caught him a bit off-guard and he turned to look at Jack, blinking once. "I don't really know. I suppose I have my moments when I want to?" He shrugged and took a bite off the edge of the cone, lapping up the ice cream that threatened to spill.

Jack shook his head and brought his hand to rub the back of his neck, watching the Doctor closely. It was so frustrating watching him and not being able to touch him or kiss him or anything of the sort. "It's a bit more than that. You're a good looking man, and you've got brains, too. Brains are quite sexy."

His expression turned a little more serious, however, and he dropped his hand to lean back on that one as well. "You know I'd do just about anything for you, right? If you wanted it, I'd do it. It's really the only reason I'm putting up with him. You like him, and I want to honour that. Were it up to me, he'd have been caged, gagged, and probably executed ages ago."

"Sexy? You think? Those squishy things? I mean, your brain's kind of small, comparatively speaking, but I don't know about mine being any sexier." He knocked his forehead, but of course - big brain and all - he had gotten what Jack actually meant and so he had no problem with turning more serious himself as well.

"I know that, Jack." The Doctor glanced to the side, taking another bite of his cone and sighing. "And I know it's difficult and this is the last place you'd want to be at. I just want you to live your life happily, really." He rubbed his face and as he lowered his hand he looked at Jack again. "But I am happy you're here. Grateful. Just..." He shrugged. "You remind me that there are others out there. That he's not right about the world."

"You can't let him get to you, Doctor." Jack let his head fall lazily on his own shoulder. "I know it's hard.. trust me, I know. But you can't let it upset you.. you can't let him win and corrupt you. I don't know what I'd do if you lost that brilliant, beautiful mind." It would be a dark day for the universe indeed.

"I don't mind being here, really... It's just him. I can't keep myself from thinking about all of the things he did... the horrible things he did to me, and to you. I don't... I don't want to have to think about that. But I can't help it." He reaches a hand out and places it on the Doctor's leg. "I worry about you. You're too strong. you don't have to keep letting the things he says pile up and pile up. I want to help you. You just need to tell me how."

"It was my idea to save him and my idea to take him on board and despite everything I'm still so very glad he's here. I don't know if there's any way to help me." The Doctor shrugged and, while he finished his ice cream cone, he laid back on the bed. After a moment he placed his hand on top of Jack, looking at the ceiling as he licked some crumbs off his lips.

"I left him behind. Way back when. He wasn't done with Gallifrey yet and I so very much was. I just wanted to see the universe. So I... I borrowed a TARDIS and took off with my granddaughter. Never really looked back." The Doctor shrugged, his eyes not just serious. Sad. "Now it's all gone. And only he's left. I couldn't leave him behind again."

The Doctor had had a granddaughter? It was so hard to see the Doctor for the age he really was and not the age he looked, and that perhaps it was one of the older Doctors.. one of the many faces he'd had. Jack understood about family, about abandoning. He turned his hand to hold the Doctor's, looking sad right along with him.

"I've got a grandson too. Sweet, smart boy. He's called Steven. Only, he doesn't know I'm his granddad. He thinks I'm his uncle. My daughter's brother." He laughed a little. "Not sure when he'll catch on... Maybe when his mum's gone grey and he's finished uni." He'd gotten off track.

Jack shook his head, determined to bring the conversation back around. "I understand. You want to do right by him. You feel guilty about abandoning him. Can't say I blame you, really.You want to save him... But Doctor, I'm not sure he can be."

"Mhm. We travelled together for a while." The Doctor wasn't sure what else to say to that, so he just tightened his hold on Jack's hand and, after a few moments, lifted it to his lips so he could kiss it, ever so similar to the gesture Jack pulled off so well. He was fairly sure that from him it was more awkward than suave, but at least it filled the silence while they thought about those left behind for whatever reason.

Those that left and those that got left and those that just didn't make it.

He sighed and closed his eyes, covering them with his arm. "I can't give him up. Not anymore than I can give myself up. I'm sorry, Jack. I'm selfish."

"I don't blame you," he said, smiling at the Doctor's sweet gesture. "I have a hard time giving things up, too." Jack laughed a bit and shrugged a shoulder. "I mean, I kept that old hand of yours for probably a bit too long, but it brought me good luck.

"I might hate him, but I have to know, Doctor... Do you think you two can be happy? I wouldn't dare leave you two if I knew you couldn't be happy with him." He especially couldn't leave him while the Master was still hell-bent on getting hold of the TARDIS and doing God knows what to her. She might not have wanted him to, but Jack was fairly certain that a Time Lord would be able to circumvent any of that. "He's a maniac. You have to know that."

"I believe it was in this very room not that long ago that you told me I'm too manic, wasn't it? In some ways we're not that different, him and I. Never have been. I suppose I was the disruptive influence." The Doctor ran his thumb over the back of Jack's hand, opening his eyes again. "I don't know about happy, Jack, but I told you before: I can look after myself. I'd not have taken him with me if I didn't think I could look after him, too. You don't have to stay to guard me, in any capacity."

He smiled briefly. "Not that I'm not grateful."

"You'll never bee like him," Jack says as though it were fact. "You could never be that cruel. Never." He pulled the Doctor's hand close, kissing the top of it, as if somehow he might absorb the thought via osmosis.

"I know you can, Doctor, but he's clever... I don't want him getting to you." He squeezed the Doctor's hand and looked to him with pleading eyes. "Please don't throw me out. Not yet. You might not need me, exactly, but I don't think I'm done needing you yet, either."

"I'm not throwing you out! I just don't want you staying for the wrong reasons." The Doctor frowned and sat up, rubbing his face in frustration. "Not that I know what a right reason would be these days. Not a lot of adventuring getting done like this, eh?" He shot him a rueful smile and then he just reached out to comb some of Jack's hair away from his face.

"I know his presence is hard on you. If there's anything I can do that's not connected to things I won't do to him... You just have to say." He leaned forward and kissed Jack's cheek. Then he paused and kissed him again, this time a lot closer to his mouth. He had no idea what he was doing. "Alright?"

Well that was certainly a start. The initial kiss had actually quite surprised Jack. He hadn't seen it coming and thought it a little odd of the Doctor. He was only trying to comfort him, he thought, until the second kiss came along. Jack turned in toward the kiss, his gaze flitting between the Doctor's lips and his eyes.

"Would you stay with me tonight?" he asked, his voice soft. He shifted his head, affectionately bumping his nose against the Doctor's. Sure it was forward, but who was Jack if that wasn't part of his character? "You don't have to but... it would be rather nice..."

"Er. Sure, I suppose." The Doctor wrinkled his nose feeling out of his element in ways he definitely didn't like. But on the other hand the way his hearts fluttered... There was something about this all that made him feel... Feel young, really. Not all that unpleasant, all in all. Maybe Jack made him think of Rose or maybe it really was just Jack. Stranger things had happened. Not so strange at all, all things considered.

"We can do a sleepover. Maybe you'll get some actual sleep that way." He wasn't an idiot. He knew what Jack intended with the question. But, well. He really didn't know about that.

If Jack had anything to say about it, there wouldn't be a lot of sleeping for a while. He didn't seem to be shying away like he had earlier with the ice cream.. Was he going to actually let it happen? Jack felt a little nervous at being shot down again, but he had just said that he wasn't about to throw Jack out. At least there was that.

"That would be nice," he said softly, finally leaning in to close the distance between their mouths, though not committing enough to it to trap the Doctor in case he changed his mind.

Without thinking about it at all, the Doctor spontaneously leaned forward and met Jack's lips. Well. He didn't just meet them, he pressed himself against him, he deepened the kiss immediately, he kissed him demanding and needing, a sound to match only half getting drowned out by the kiss. He hadn't known how much he wanted until he'd given in and suddenly it was overwhelming in its intensity.

The Doctor pulled away just as suddenly, quickly jumping to his feet as if he'd burned himself or as if staying in Jack's immediate vicinity might be the very thing burning him. He was rubbing his arms, swallowing thickly. Ice cream and Jack, apparently a dangerous combination. Now he was standing there, having jumped Jack like a hormonal teenager only to move away as if he'd been bitten somehow and he had no idea how to justify any of it. In the end he just let go of a shuddering breath and rubbed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jack." He chuckled and shook his head. "I just keep apologizing to you, don't I?"

Yes, yes. That had been what Jack was craving. That soft touch of lips, the intensity of another person needing him just as much as he needed to touch and kiss and taste. He'd very nearly sank into the feeling before it was ungracefully ripped out from underneath him. He hadn't expected such a violent reaction, but... maybe that's just how Time Lords would react to him. Still, it didn't help the very obvious frustration practically radiating off of him.

"Yeah. You do." Jack rubbed his eyes, trying to bring his breathing back down to normal. He was about done with all of this and looked up to the Doctor. "Look, just... Maybe you should go. It's not fair of me to push you when you very clearly aren't interested." He knew that the Master had been right about that, but it didn't make it any less insulting.

"Not interested? Gods, Jack, what do people do to you when they are interested?" The Doctor had to chuckle despite the awkward and tense situation. His hearts were beating up to his throat and he had to swallow to at least try and get them to stop... Well, beating up a samba, as someone had described it once. "This isn't about me not being interested, I just don't..." He tugged on his hair as he tried to find the right words. "I'm good at the dramatic rescues and holding hands while running from danger. Or right toward danger. Anything else, I..."

He smiled bitterly. "Somewhere out there Rose Tyler is still waiting for me to say..." He shook his head sadly and then he stepped toward the bed again, one hand on Jack's shoulder as he caught his eyes. "It's what he said, remember? You shouldn't want to be mine." And then he kissed him again, softer this time, but also less on the edge. Less as if he was about to run.

Of course... Of course it came down to Rose. How could he be that stupid? "Since when am I going to start listening to him? I haven't yet, and I certainly don't expect to be starting now."

And then the Doctor was kissing him again. Jack felt a little apprehensive about it, not sure about letting himself get excited again. But it had been the Doctor to initiate it this time. Maybe it would be okay. He finally let his eyes slide closed and he craned his neck to kiss him back, moving slowly, much more so than he would have liked, what with all of the sexual frustration practically boiling over inside him. If he didn't invest much, he couldn't be that disappointed when it didn't work out.

This time there was no sign of the Doctor pulling away. Quite the opposite, he moved forward, hands on Jack's shoulders pushing him down, while moving with him, all set to lay down on top of him, still kissing. This time he only broke away in order to talk, but he stayed just as close, a hand in Jack's hair.

"Sometimes looking at you is like seeing eternity. Overwhelming. But having you want me... That's enough to get drunk on, do you see that? Having you..." The Doctor smiled ruefully, catching Jack's eyes as he tugged on a strand of his hair. "There's that god complex he keeps talking about. To be loved for eternity... I only ever manage fleeting moments I lose forever." Because apparently now was the time for all this musing.

When the Doctor had pushed him, Jack easily followed his guidance, wrapping his arms around him to keep him near and assure that he wouldn't walk off. The fingers in his hair were immensely reassuring, and actually let him relax a little. He enjoyed his hair being played with, and even when he broke off, Jack kept kissing him, his chin and jaw.

He hadn't really thought of it that way before, and he supposed that the Doctor was right. Still, it didn't hurt any less. "Is that why you kept pushing me back?" he asked, gently tugging at his lip with his teeth. "I know I can't be with you forever, but... At the very least, let me have even a moment, won't you?"

"Uh-huh." That was really all the Doctor managed at first, because Jack's teeth were doing something to his lip and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not but he very possibly did, quite a lot, and either way it was very distracting and he didn't want to pull away. Once he felt he could talk again he did, because he was the Doctor. "Well, no. There's a whole plethora of other reasons for that. Plethora, I like that word, don't you? I should say it more. Anyway. I mean, for one thing you flirt in the most inopportune moments. Also when we met I was..." He quickly shook his head. No need to delve into that topic again.

"Forever... Would be tempting. But he's not so wrong, you know. About me and..." Love, but some words he avoided using. "...being mine." He looked at Jack, not sure what to feel. He had already changed so much since he'd first met him. How much more would he change him? How much longer before Jack couldn't stand it anymore, unless the Doctor left him first?

On and on with the rambling. He continued kissing down to his neck with a roll of his eyes before the Doctor's gaze had forced him to stop. He lay back heavy on the bed and looked up to him, frankly getting a little annoyed.

"Doctor, I think you misunderstand me," he said, voice a little terse, "Yes. I think it's obvious how I feel about you. But I'm not really a... relationship kind of guy. You have to know that by now." Jack let his hands move, one winding through the Doctor's hair and the other rubbing his arm affectionately. "That's just not who I am. I might be around forever, but I've got no intentions about being stuck to one person that whole time."

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