neverwouldiever | Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and other Sounds

The Doctor was halfway under the console, tinkering with something or other, mostly to distract himself and gather his thoughts. This was all a lot more than he had expected today and part of him regretted picking Jack up. Maybe he could have thought of another solution, perhaps even a better one, but this had seemed like such an obvious pick all until he'd seen him entangled with John. Now this mess.

Only his lower half peeked out, the sound of the sonic audible, as well as some banging. The usual.

He was initially a little cold, but found as he dried off that he was warming up quite nicely. Of course, maybe some of that had to do with nearing the warm TARDIS control room. He spots the Doctor's long legs sticking out from underneath the console and circled round until he was in front of him on the lower level, leaning on the railing to smile at him.

"She doesn't sound broken," he teased. "What're you doing under there?"

"Breaking her, probably," the Doctor admitted, moving out from under the console and then sitting up just enough to lean back against it and look at Jack. Forget about the whole fixed point in time issue, the really vexing thing about the man was that he knew enough about mechanics to be very hard to bullshit by pretending to have to do something or other with the console.

"Nice outfit. Bit breezy, isn't it?"

"A bit. I've dealt with worse." Jack smiled at him. "More comfortable than dealing with John at the moment, so I'll manage." He tilted his head, trying to imagine what it was he was doing under the console.

"I'm pretty sure you just break her so you have something to fix... and an excuse to go somewhere." It sounded plausible enough for the Doctor to do, certainly. It can get very boring, after all. "He apologised... sort of. I'm not sure whether to fully believe him but... I don't think he meant to hurt you... so I thought I'd come and apologise to you on his behalf."

"Well, he'd be really terrible at hurting me if he actually intended to do it with an unloaded gun." The Doctor looked at Jack, absently tapping his screwdriver against the side of his head. "You shouldn't feel responsible. I picked both of you up. It's not your fault that he is who he is. I think we all have enough to do just feeling responsible for what we do. Definitely shouldn't start going around feeling responsible for things outside our control."

The most hypothetical advice, but what else was new? "Do you still want me to drop him off at a prison?"

"There's plenty you can do with an unloaded gun if you're creative." Sadly, John was a very creative man. Still, the Doctor had a point, he supposed. It wasn't much use trying to change John if he didn't want to change... but then so many people had gotten hurt because of him, so of course Jack felt somewhat responsible.

"I suppose not... but I'd still want to change it if I could. John's done... a lot of bad things. but he's also done a lot of good, believe it or not." Jack sighed and folded his arms on the railing, resting his chin on them. "I just... feel like a babysitter sometimes."

Jack sincerely didn't know whether he wanted John to go back to prison just yet. He was certain he'd end up there eventually, but they were having fun still... right? "What would you do?"

"I can believe that. Most people have done good and bad. And very often the ones with the greatest capacity for bad can also do a lot of good." The Doctor looked past Jack, absently turning a lever of the console. "And the other way round." He ran a hand through his hair and ended up first tugging at it and then rubbing his earlobe between two fingers as he looked at Jack. What a question. Who was he to make such decisions? It was so tempting to make these decisions. But make them properly. Go back in time and keep John from ever becoming the man who'd end up disappointing Jack again and again.

"...I don't know, Jack." What would he do? What would he have done with the Master? What would he do if the Master came back, as he was starting to believe? "I don't know what I'd do."

He let out a slow breath and shrugged. "You have your team to think of. Ianto."

"He's not good for my team. I don't want him to go to jail, I think, but I don't trust him free, either." He sighed again and closed his eyes. "He can't be trusted on his own, and I can't watch him all the time. He sucks me in and I can't get away. He means too much to me." Yes, he was admitting that maybe he still felt something there. "I hate it. It just means that I can't disconnect like I can with other people... really inconvenient in times like this."

He laughed a little and opened his eyes to look at the Doctor, a fond look on his face. "I don't know how to be moderate like you. I'm either too harsh or too kind... How do you do it?"

"Because, Jack, whenever I try to really do all I'm capable of, the outcome is..." The Doctor trailed off, rubbing his eye before slowly lowering his hand. "I've made too many mistakes already. Tried to stop things that shouldn't be stopped and caused things that wouldn't have happened if I'd just..." Trailing off again he shook his head.

"The man you think I am, Jack, I don't believe he exists. And if he does, you're closer to being him than I am. I'm just an idiot who can't stop meddling."

"Your meddling helps people, though. It helped me." He nodded in the direction he'd come from earlier. "When you met me, I was closer to being John and anything... and you helped me. You probably saved me." Jack smiled at him and ran a hand through his damp hair.

"We all make mistakes, I guess is what I'm trying to say... And if you tell me that I shouldn't let mine bother me, then you shouldn't let yours, either. Sound like a fair trade"

"Everything I've turned you into and you still think I helped you." The Doctor smiled, although it really wasn't funny at all. He leaned back against the console, both hands behind himself as he looked at Jack, trying to determine just how he felt about all of this.

"You have to live with your mistakes, Jack. Don't have a choice. You can learn from them and you do. You did. You're better than that than I am." He shook his head. "It's too late for me now."

Jack's smile faded at the Doctor's words. That... actually stung quite a bit. "Everything you've 'turned me into'?" He asked. "I'm not a monster, Doctor." Some might disagree... Ianto did once. "I mean... I know you have a hard time dealing with me but I didn't think it was that bad." His shoulders slumped.

"It's not too late for you. I've met people it's too late for, and I wouldn't even put you on the list. If I've got the time, so do you. If anyone has the time for it, it's you."

"No! That's not what I meant!" The Doctor pushed away from the console, walking toward Jack and finally even putting a hand on his shoulder. Great job putting his foot into his mouth like an idiot. "I wasn't talking about that." Well, not directly. He supposed it was still a consequence. "You've seen it. You've seen them all. Mickey." He hesitated before he continued, because some names were never easy to say. "Rose."

With a shake of his head he pulled his hand back. "Martha, you've seen her change. Donna..." He broke off there, because Donna should be there, with him, in the TARDIS, telling him what a thickheaded fool he was. "Donna got away, I suppose. Wonder what she'd make of that." Oh. He supposed he should tell Jack about the Donna situation before he perchance sought her out. "I'm out of time. I can't fix things anymore. I'm just running, but it will catch up."

"You? You're never out of time, Doctor." Jack refused to believe that the Doctor could ever really die. After all, if the Doctor died, who would he have to keep him company when everyone else is dead and gone? "You can't be." He reached for the Doctor's hand, squeezing it.

"You're a good man, Doctor. I know you don't believe it, but you really are." Jack's smile returned as he pulled the hand to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. "And you've made everyone around you better, too."

The Doctor looked at Jack and opened his mouth, but then he closed it again, turning his head to the side and letting him kiss his hand. It was selfish, really, all of this talk. He didn't want Jack to stay with him, but he didn't want to be alone. So much loneliness inherent in him and it was only ever selfishness to drag others into this.

"Back to your problem. Your John." He smiled weakly as he focused his eyes on Jack again. "I'm not sure what to tell you. I know he hurt you and we both know he'll do it again, whether he means to or not."

Yes, they had gotten somewhat distracted, hadn't they? Jack looked a little sheepish and released the Doctor's hand to get back to the matter at hand. "I feel like... If I decide to take him back with me, he'll just run out in the middle of the night anyway...And I don't want him to be mad at me next time he breaks out. He knows where to find me and how to hurt me." And he couldn't have John unleashed on his team again, either. "But I feel like I'm responsible for him. I'm not really sure how to proceed."

Jack shook his head and looked away from the Doctor, looking ashamed of himself. "Do you remember where you found him?"

"Where and when, of course I do." The Doctor looked at Jack, free of judgment. He really had no room for that. With a shake of his head he managed a hint of a smile. "I shouldn't have contacted you when I stumbled upon him. I know that now."

That wasn't the kind of dilemma one forced on a friend. He couldn't have anticipated it, not really, but... "I can take him there." He paused for a moment, then lifted his shoulders in a light shrug. "I'm not fixing his vortex manipulator."

"Good. I wouldn't want you to." Well, that decided it, he supposed. "It might be best to put him back where you found him... once we're sure he's healthy enough to be out on his own." He looked up at the Doctor, looking more than a little unsure of himself. "Is that... I mean, if that's all right."

To see that uncertainty on Jack's face hurt in a strange and unexpected way and that was what made the Doctor nod decisively. "Sure, Jack. That's all right."

He turned back to the console, starting to change their course. "He should be fine. If you want I can say it's all my idea. Make it seem less as if you're getting rid of him."

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and other Sounds

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