neverwouldiever | Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and other Sounds

Killjoy.

If you ever change your mind, I'm always for hire.

Trust me. One way or another, I have you beat in that department.

I wouldn't be shocked if a lunatic like you was good at my kind of work but trust me, you can't do what I can do.You wouldn't even get through a day.

I have no interest doing what you do. Especially not what you do right now, mind. So what are you doing right now?

Sitting in a cell again. Jack grounded me for being naughty.

Got bored and it was either text you or have a wank. I'm not that pathetic and horny yet so here I am.

Jack might like to have that on tape though.

What naughty thing did you do?

Pretty much why I decided against it.

Threw some insults, some punches, some taunts about his boyfriend. Same old, same old.

Here I thought you might like showing off.

Boyfriend? Oh, right, Ianto. Well. You would, I suppose.

Not when he's being a dick.

What do you mean I would? I haven't got any issues with Ianto Jones. What a guy, very fuckable.

Is fuckable a word? ...

I just researched, by your time it actually did become a word. Oh, humanity.

Anyway, still seems obvious you'd taunt, don't you think?

Told you. It was in the dictionary when I was at school. Right by fucktastic.

I'm not jealous of the tea boy, thanks. And no, I'm not being cocky. I'm really not. I pity any man who falls in love with Captain Jack Harkness.

I'll stick with fantastic, I believe.

I haven't said anything about you being jealous. I just reckoned you'd go for effective taunts. Are you jealous?

And funny. So do I.

You were hinting. You think you're smarter than you are but you're not. Your double talk needs more work.

Like I said, not jealous. Honestly, right now, I just feel bored. Bored, horny and a little violent.

You're paranoid, I didn't talk double.

Anyway, good about not wanking then. Wouldn't want to hurt yourself during that. So. How did you taunt?

Not a paranoid man, I just know what you're like. You strike me as the kind of man who prefers head games to combat.

A little pain feels good, you know? It'd help me a long actually. And I'm not saying.

Well, sure. Although that's partly because you can rarely solve problems with fencing. Or cricket.

A little, maybe. And why not? Ashamed?

Well, yeah, turn up to fence someone in a proper fight and we'll ram your sword up your arse in seconds. Trust me, I know. I did something similar once.

No, just not saying. Got nothing to do with you, Doc.

Hence why I fence less and talk more. Sometimes both at once! Usually works. Well. Works sometimes, at least. My arse remains unrammed.

Again, here I'd have thought you'd like showing off.

John did have a point. There was a point in time where he would have gladly taken out someone's teeth one by one, though generally for offences worse than that. Time had changed him, though it didn't remove the desire to do it altogether. The more and more John ran his mouth, the more he wanted to hit him again. But sadly, time was not exactly on their side. "Yeah, actually. The shit his ex did would make you seem like a basket of baby bunnies."

Jack stopped short when John unexpectedly turned to face him. He knew that look all too well. He'd fallen for it earlier that evening when they'd fought before, in fact. He'd always figured it as John's way of dodging or changing topics, and he hated that it worked so well. "I don't hate you. I'm pissed off at you, but I don't hate you. You're not worth wasting my energy on hate." He grabbed John by the shoulder and spun him back around, shoving him back down the hallway. "Move it."

"Well, I was going to say 'queen', but I'm not sure the stockings fit anymore." Jack couldn't help himself but to laugh, even just a little. "Though I bet you still look stunning in a skirt. Might have to give that a try sometime."

He rolled his eyes as John proclaimed his unbreakable nature. "Please. You're about as unbreakable as dry noodles. You pretend you don't want someone, but look at what it took to finally get rid of you. You're a mess without someone to cling onto. Going off, getting shot and abducted by strange men in time machines. Just because you get your arse kicked a lot, doesn't make you tough. It just means you get your arse kicked a lot, and that it's easy to do." He tutted again and shook his head. "You're a disgrace to us all, you know."

He had to admit that he was pretty impressed with how quickly John was moving. It told Jack that this wasn't the first time he'd had to deal with such an injury. Maybe he'd have Owen look at it in the morning, or at least give him an x-ray to see if anything was cracked. When he was satisfied with John's performance, he led him over to the sofa and hurried upstairs for the bottle of whisky he kept in his desk; Not to get drunk, but just to enjoy. John needed it more than he did tonight, so he left it with a shot glass on the table for him

"His ex sounds like fun. More fun than you two killjoys," John shot back, though he found it hard to believe that anyone could make him seem that sweet. And strangely enough, it near offended him. How someone be better at being worse.

"See, there you go, contradictions! I'm not worth your hate but I'm worth being stuck in your company cause I'm wounded. And hell, I'm worth a punch."

Okay not his best argument but never the less, John limped forward, knowing when it was easier to surrender. "I'd rather you hates me, Jack. Really."

"I wouldn't wish his ex on anyone. Not even you. If the Doctor says you remind him of his ex... I can see what he's saying. Not exactly a good thing, though. You are about as much of a dick as he is."

Jack frowned. He hated having to be mean, but John wasn't exactly making it easy for him to be nice, either. "It's not a contradiction if it's pity. And yes, John, I pity you, all right? I think you're sad and you're lonely, but you're too damn prideful to change anything, so you lash out and find unhealthy ways to cope, because it's easier that way. It's less wanting to be with you and more looking after you."

"The question is was he actually a dick or was he just fed up of dealing with you two. Cause if so, I totally get it," John insisted because seriously, this shit was getting hard to deal with. The Doctor was definitely softer about it but honestly, the morality bullshit was starting to give him a headache. As was Jack trying to talk sense to him. Did he look like the kind of guy who wanted this sort of talk? Cause he wasn't. He didn't want to hear about the guy he'd been hung up on pitying him.

"Don't pity me," John insisted coldly because sure, his life was flawed but he was happy. And if he ever wasn't happy, he knew plenty of illegal means to trick himself into thing he was happy. "And don't look after me either. Stick me in a prison as soon as we've checked just how nuked my body is because honestly, I couldn't give a shit any more. You can't just hold that constant threat over my head like that. Nah, fuck it, I'm done here."

He'd vastly rather be in prison than deal with this any longer. "Any jailer will be better to deal with than you."

Jack very, very much wanted to tell John just how nasty the Master had been, but decided it really wasn't worth the effort. He opened the doors to the med bay and ushered John in. It stung a little, what John said, but he wasn't about to let it get to him. Not that he'd show, anyway. Jack was always better at hiding those feelings than John was; much less likely to lash out in an emotional outburst, but then, John was very good at getting things done.

"You're right, a jailer would be better than me, because you know that you can't fuck with me because I know aaaalll of your little tricks, John. I don't put up with your shit, and you can't manipulate me like you can everyone else."

Jack flipped open his Vortex Manipulator to scan John. "How are you feeling? Are you feeling sick at all?" Just because he was mad at John didn't mean he didn't care.

Really? That's a shame. Looking for someone to ram it? Cause I have several ideas already.

Not showing off for you. I don't need to impress you nor do I want to.

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