neverwouldiever | Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and other Sounds

"Not so bad, Jack. If we get some treatment in the TARDIS we'll be right as rain. Well, the two of us, I suppose you're usually right anyway."

Glancing to the side as the gun was cocked, the Doctor really didn't look all that worried. However, when John 'fired', he did pretend to be startled, clutching very dramatically at his right heart. It lasted for about two seconds before he started to smile.

The Doctor took the gun from John, his grin only widening as he opened it up to check. Just as he'd expected, unloaded. "So did you!" He threw the gun behind himself and started off in the direction of the TARDIS. "Come along now, John Hart, I'll give you something against the radiation. Wouldn't want that pretty hair to fall out, isn't that what Jack said?"

Now Jack felt cheated. He felt all of the tension leave his body at once, and it nearly left him weak on his feet. That really wasn't fair. He hated being left out of the loop on situations like this. He dropped his arms and rubbed his face, trying to get all of the tension out of it.

Now that the calamity was over, Jack felt a surge of rage shoot up through him, and he very, very much felt like punching John. So with a few steps to close the distance between them, he did, throwing his fist as hard as he could manage at John. "Don't you ever, EVER do something that stupid in front of me again!" He honestly didn't care whether or not John was having fun. Jack was pissed off, and he would drag John's unconscious body back to the TARDIS if he had to.

John reeled back, dropping his head downwards, blood dripping from his face because ow, that was certainly Jack's full effort. Growling in annoyance, John shoved Jack as hard as he could away from him, tempted to throw a punch himself. "I didn't have a loaded gun, you bastard! Why the hell did you hit me? I didn't do anything!"

Was the dumb stupid prank not funny for Jack? Well, that was weird! Wiping the blood off his face, he held out his hand to gesture to the Doctor, looking awfully annoyed that only he got punished. "Aren't you going hit him too? He knew! He could have told you, he lied. I always lie, what's his excuse? He's your mate."

Shaking his head, John started to leave because what else could he do? Fight Jack till he died of radiation? Nah, no fun. Plus Jack would be fine. Boring. "God sake, you don't shoot a bloke and look what happens? And then you ask why I always kill people!"

"Well. For the record, I technically didn't know until just before I enabled your vortex manipulator." The Doctor had turned around when the two started fighting behind him. Alright, Jack was the one throwing punches, but John didn't seem as if he was that far from it either. He shook his head when John seemed to calm down enough to just follow him instead. With a snap of his fingers he made the TARDIS doors open, waiting for the two Captains to be ready to go inside.

"Life's too short to waste time fighting! Make love not war! Something or other, I'm all out of quotes, come along already before I settle on Lion King again."

"I hit you because you could have killed our one ride out of here, you idiot! Do you know how to fly a TARDIS? Because I sure as hell don't! And even if it were loaded, you'd have done the same thing!" He growled and grabbed John by the jacket, shoving him in the direction of the TARDIS.

"Let's go before more of your terrible decisions end up killing us all." Now the question would be what to do with John, because in Jack's mind, that was definitely on the 'fuck up' end of the list. "I've about had it with you."

"How could I kill him with an unloaded gun? Prick." John shot back as he roughly jerked himself out of the hold, once again using all his weight to push Jack away because hey, he was a pretty strong and intimidating guy when he wanted to be. And when Jack wanted to hurt someone, he really went for it. "I wouldn't of shot our ride, genius. Never kill the driver, that's rule number one. God, you really do think I'm that stupid."

To be fair, John could sometimes be that stupid and it wouldn't be the first time he'd stranded himself somewhere in his recklessness. Whether it was killing a partner or accidentally mortally wounding the person with the keys to the ship. Though he did rarely kill anyone who had a ship he couldn't fly, he wasn't a total idiot after all. "If you've had it with me, let me go! It's not my fault you've decided you have to babysit me."

"Jack." The Doctor's voice was soft, gentle, just as his hand when he put it on Jack's shoulder once he was close enough. "It's alright. No harm done, he just had to try." He turned to walk inside the TARDIS, already starting her up while he still waited for the other two to follow behind him.

He hadn't been worried about John killing him, not really. For one thing, he was still waiting for four knocks. For another, for better or worse, John cared what Jack thought of him. And some things, as Jack's anger showed, could be a permanent deal breaker.

"Where do you want me to take you?"

"I've been on the business end of your stupid decisions, John, so yes, I do think you're that stupid." He grumbled and entered the TARDIS, feeling marginally less frisky than he did when he first entered in that night.

"You should probably take me home, Doctor," he said, leaning against a rail and rubbing the hand he'd struck John with. "Get this bastard to prison where he belongs. I'm sure someone's out there looking for him."

"See, see! This is exactly what I said would happen. What always happens. You get bored, you get lonely, you spend a few days with me and then you dump me off in a prison. You only kept me around cause eyecandy's having doubts about you and I was the entertainment for the week," John said with a smug smirk on his face, slamming his hand down onto the railings to make his point. Yes, it hurt, but he found it easier to fall into cocky than sad. Never show weakness, that was very important in his line of work. And, naturally, in prison. So it was worthwhile to get into the zone of it now.

He wasn't deluded, he was aware that this was his fault again but he never could help himself. This was just who he was. And he thought not using bullets would please Jack for once. Apparently not.

"And then he says bullshit like 'oh I don't want to see you suffer'. I mean give me a fucking break, Jack. You just tried to knock my teeth out," Rolling his eyes, John slumped over the rails and gave the Doctor a pointed look. "Hurry up then, nearest prison. Chop, chop!"

The Doctor put on his glasses, mainly so he'd have something to do while he felt like he had gotten caught in an argument that really had little to do with him.

"Eyecandy?" Was that a name or a nickname? One never knew with Welsh people. The Doctor decided that maybe it was better not to ask. Instead he was watching John, finding himself sympathetic to him without meaning to. Maybe it was because he thought he understood it. Maybe his reflex of cockiness was so very familiar, painfully so.

He turned to the console, pretending to set coordinates and mainly just focusing on getting them into orbit. "It will be a while, I need to get her all set. Wouldn't want to accidentally radiate another planet."

With a frown he pushed up his glasses and looked at Jack. "Can you take him to the infirmary? You know the way, right? The TARDIS can level out his radiation there, shouldn't take long. I just don't want him to play doctor." The Doctor winked at John. "Besides, it seemed like you had a lot of things to discuss when I picked you up." Discuss, snog, something like that.

"What a flattering nickname. Couldn't think of anything better? I'll take, I mean, it's fitting. Just saying. Though I like the king part," John insisted with a measure of pride. There was a lot of truth to it really, he did have quite the reputation and yet no matter what he did or who he fucked, it was never fun. Well, not as fun as it had been with Jack. He enjoyed himself, he just missed having someone there to laugh with him.

"You didn't want to commit either," John insisted because he wasn't being blamed for this one. They were both horrified at the idea. It took a long time to get up those stairs, a step at a time, but he was quicker than most people would have been after being shot in the leg. "I was not a brat! And I wouldn't have broken. Unbreakable, I am. Very unbreakable. Name one other agent who took as many beatings as I do? And you don't count, you're bloody immortal now."

"Ianto," Jack corrected, perhaps a little more stiff than he'd meant to. He hated that he couldn't go home right away and call Ianto and hear him tell him what a jerk John was.

"Oh, I think that conversation has well-passed by now, Doctor," he said with a decidedly bitter note. Jack pushed off from the rail and moved to start herding John in the direction of the med bay by way of shoves and little kicks to his injured leg. He couldn't understand how the Doctor wasn't upset by any of this, and actually seemed to be rather playful about it.

When they were out of earshot, Jack roughly grabbed John by the shoulder to make him listen. "Next time you want to play the sympathy card, try to make it credible. You know as well as I do that if I wanted you to suffer, I could make you suffer. You're lucky all you got away with was a punch. I should have knocked your teeth out for that stupid ploy."

"Fuck, ow! You kicked my leg, he kicked me leg!" John clarified very loudly for the sake of the Doctor because seriously, that was very rude and someone should punish Jack for doing it. With an annoyed sigh, he followed on with Jack... not that he had much choice, given that he was pretty much shoving him along the hallway and threatening his injured leg. Proper motivation always worked.

"He does like me, doesn't he? I can tell. Well, he does and he doesn't. I remind him of someone, he said so," John insisted with a smirk, seeming completely unbothered by the threats because hey, would Jack really hurt him around a man he adored and saluted who almost seemed on his side? Hopefully not. "I think it's an ex, personally. Does he have many tigger happy ex's? I bet that's what he's getting. Into the bad boys, is he? How cute."

Worth an ask. He could so use that to his advantage. "Look, if you were going to, you would have. But you didn't. If you want to then stop fucking around do it," John insisted, turning to Jack with a look that almost implored him to act. To do something. Because that would have made sense to him. But one moment Jack was worried, the next he was threatening, he understood violence more than these stupid emotions everyone had. "Go on, do it. Do something. I mean you wanted to before, didn't you? Got time now. Take all my teeth out and toss me in a jail if you hate me that much."

How much do I have to pay you to fix this thing then?

I'll bargain with you. What do you want?

No price you could afford. No price the world can afford.

Ambitious. You must be hard to shop for at Christmas.

Not a big fan of Christmas anyway. Never goes well for me.

Well, you're a barrel of laughs.

Come on, you've got to want something. What do you want that's so beyond the worlds grasp?

To change time. To keep people from dying that are meant to be dead. To keep disasters from happening that must have happened. To talk to my best friend who mustn't remember me. To cross over into another universe just for another look at someone. For starters.

So basically you want life to be perfect, work fine and for everything to be as it should be? Too fucking bad.

Well, I know for certain now that I can get you that but at least I feel sated in knowing that you're probably suffering too.

Sure, but, well. At least I can go everywhere in time and space. ;)

Yeah but without your best mate. Or that person in another dimension you want to look at. All alone in time and space, mustn't be fun for a man like you. Not really a taunt when you're that screwed.

It's better for me to travel alone. And there is still a lot to do. Somehow avoid marrying a queen, for instance.

Kill her? I mean, just saying, you can't marry the dead. Well, you can, but it's fucked up and very few planets will let you escape without a sentence.

...great suggestion. I'll go with: No. But thanks for playing!

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and other Sounds

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Before their trip, easy texting thread!

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