neverwouldiever | Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and other Sounds

Kill her? I mean, just saying, you can't marry the dead. Well, you can, but it's fucked up and very few planets will let you escape without a sentence.

...great suggestion. I'll go with: No. But thanks for playing!

Killjoy.

If you ever change your mind, I'm always for hire.

Trust me. One way or another, I have you beat in that department.

I wouldn't be shocked if a lunatic like you was good at my kind of work but trust me, you can't do what I can do.You wouldn't even get through a day.

I have no interest doing what you do. Especially not what you do right now, mind. So what are you doing right now?

Sitting in a cell again. Jack grounded me for being naughty.

Got bored and it was either text you or have a wank. I'm not that pathetic and horny yet so here I am.

Jack might like to have that on tape though.

What naughty thing did you do?

Pretty much why I decided against it.

Threw some insults, some punches, some taunts about his boyfriend. Same old, same old.

Here I thought you might like showing off.

Boyfriend? Oh, right, Ianto. Well. You would, I suppose.

Not when he's being a dick.

What do you mean I would? I haven't got any issues with Ianto Jones. What a guy, very fuckable.

Is fuckable a word? ...

I just researched, by your time it actually did become a word. Oh, humanity.

Anyway, still seems obvious you'd taunt, don't you think?

Told you. It was in the dictionary when I was at school. Right by fucktastic.

I'm not jealous of the tea boy, thanks. And no, I'm not being cocky. I'm really not. I pity any man who falls in love with Captain Jack Harkness.

I'll stick with fantastic, I believe.

I haven't said anything about you being jealous. I just reckoned you'd go for effective taunts. Are you jealous?

And funny. So do I.

You were hinting. You think you're smarter than you are but you're not. Your double talk needs more work.

Like I said, not jealous. Honestly, right now, I just feel bored. Bored, horny and a little violent.

You're paranoid, I didn't talk double.

Anyway, good about not wanking then. Wouldn't want to hurt yourself during that. So. How did you taunt?

Not a paranoid man, I just know what you're like. You strike me as the kind of man who prefers head games to combat.

A little pain feels good, you know? It'd help me a long actually. And I'm not saying.

Well, sure. Although that's partly because you can rarely solve problems with fencing. Or cricket.

A little, maybe. And why not? Ashamed?

Well, yeah, turn up to fence someone in a proper fight and we'll ram your sword up your arse in seconds. Trust me, I know. I did something similar once.

No, just not saying. Got nothing to do with you, Doc.

Hence why I fence less and talk more. Sometimes both at once! Usually works. Well. Works sometimes, at least. My arse remains unrammed.

Again, here I'd have thought you'd like showing off.

Really? That's a shame. Looking for someone to ram it? Cause I have several ideas already.

Not showing off for you. I don't need to impress you nor do I want to.

Sounds a little painful for my tastes.

What, no impressive ramming?

You wouldn't agree to it so it's moot.

You want to fuck and I can make it as impressive as you want. But you'll never be up for it.

I have high standards.

So what's the problem? Ianto's are high too?

Nah, I bet I could get him into bed. He's a prissy little sod but he likes it rough, I'm sure of it.

Why? Looking to ask to join in? Cause it sounds like he and Jack are on hiatus right now.

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