neverwouldiever | Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and other Sounds

"Look at you, one moment it's name calling, the next you're asking me to strip," John dismissed but hey, he didn't hestitate, he already had his coat and shirt on the floor, shoes kicked off elsewhere. Like he was going to deny any chance to strip off. Once his trousers and boxers were happily left behind, he soon joined slid into the shower, looking more bored than playful because he always hated decontamination. It was such a tedious and wet process. And not in a good way.

"No, not really," John admitted because it wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to hear that Jack liked him solely because of nostalgia. Hell, he didn't even know what he felt about that. He liked wearing Jack out, it was a good trait to have but he always got the feeling Jack had outgrown him. And it was never fun to be in that position. "I think anything I'm looking for from you, I'm never going to get."

And that was the truth, John shrugged his shoulders because he didn't know what else to do. So he settled for falling back on humour, an awkward smile on his face. "For the record you are an old bastard. And I think you're getting grey hairs. Plus you've slower now, I'm worried when we next fuck, you're hip will fall out or something."

"I'm not trying to be cute, your clothes have been irradiated. If you're lucky, they'll have picked up more than your skin, which means they should probably be disposed of." Jack tried to sound as bored as John did. He didn't want to think of a time where he maybe, possibly could have carried a tiny little torch for him, and he certainly didn't want to think of why that was even a thought in the first place. He had Ianto back home, and for now, that was really all he needed.

John's answer, however, struck Jack in an odd way and brought a lot of questions to the forefront of his mind. He watched him with a scrupulous eye, trying to read him and come up with any answer to the new questions he had.

"You wish I were going grey. If I were, it would mean you finally had a leg up on me in something." Still, he tried to catch his reflection in a pane of glass to see if he noticed what John was talking about. Rubbish, as always. But back to those questions...

"So what do you want from me, then?" He asked, moving to fiddle with the controls for the chamber. "You want things to be the way they were before?"

"You wish you weren't going grey," John leaned against the inside of the shower, eyes on his coat with considerable concern because he'd rather be nuked than lose his coat. He had that one for years, it was a proud steal and not one he was willing to part ways with easily, he'd happily die to have a hold of it. Or maybe he could denuke it later? Either way, he'd be keeping it.

Looking at Jack, he raised an eyebrow, unsure what kind of answer Jack was looking for from him.

"I'm not stuck in the past," There was a level of annoyance in his tone because he was very aware that's what Jack believed of him. That he was some idiot stuck in his memories unable to move on. And that wasn't entirely the case. Yes, he was still kind of hung up on Jack but who wouldn't be? Jack was one of those kind of guys everyone wanted. And John knew he didn't have a chance at that so the past was a nicer thought really. But he knew it wasn't true. "You're not the bloke I knew. I mean we were mates because we were similar kind of guys and all but we're not now, are we? We got nothing in common. You changed."

And that was true because John knew for certain he hadn't changed. For better or for worse, he was consistent. "It's not my fault you changed."

"Time changes people, John, and I've had a lot of it." With much, much more of it to come, as well. He didn't want to think about all of the changes he was going to make in the future or what that future would bring. "We're different people, sure, but we've always been. You know we were only partnered up to begin with because we were so different, right?" He wondered briefly if John knew that at all. Surely he had to have guessed it at some point. "They thought you were unstable and stuck you with me, hoping you'd level out. And you did for a time. I noticed it, right up until we left and I stopped restricting you. Then I became more like you for a while." He looked sad. "Which is a shame. I kind of liked you better."

Once he'd figured out the controls, Jack turned on the decontamination spray and moved to collect John's clothes. Maybe he could save them after all. It'd be better for everyone if John wasn't walking around naked -- Jack especially. In fact, watching him shower wasn't exactly easy, either, as thoughts of past romps in showers flashed to the forefront of his mind. Easier to busy himself with clothes.

"I changed, but I don't think it's as much of changing into a different person... just closer to show I used to be before I let you poison me."

"I knew why they stuck someone like you with me. I just thought I could make you more fun, you were such a boring bastard at the start and then you lightened up. Hell, you joined in. Beats the holier than thou bullshit you do now," Oh the good old days when Jack would join in with him. It wasn't often but when it happened, it was glorious. Now it was very much an impossible thing to wish for. As the spray came down, John ruffled his own hair under the water and tilted his head back, enjoying the way it dropped down onto him. Showers were always a pleasant sensation.

It made it way easier to deal with whatever the hell Jack was saying. Honestly, he wished he could turn him off or lower the volume because he was fed up of hearing it. As much as he loved Jack, everything about him seemed to give John an unpleasant woozy feeling. And a painful sort of longing too.

"I didn't make you act like me, I didn't fucking poison you either. You wanted to do what you did because you could. And you can't tell me that wasn't really you," Dropping his head back down, he shook the water from his face and gave Jack a look of disbelief. Was he deluded enough to believe John had corrupted him? Bollocks. "I couldn't make you do a thing. I still can't. And trust me, I've seen you without me. You're still a heartless prick whether you want to be or not. That's just who you are, mate. It's got nothing to do with me."

"It gets things done." He didn't like doing it, but he'd had plenty of practise in the Time Agency in being cold and distancing himself from his emotions. He'd always had a harder time of it than others, but when it came down to it, he could still get things done. "Are you saying you want me to be heartless? Because I'm pretty sure that's how we got onto this topic in the first place." He narrowed his eyes at John for a moment and set to folding his clothes.

"You didn't make me, no. But you had influence. We'd spent years together, so why wouldn't you think you rubbed off on me a little?" He paused. "Personality-wise, I mean." He didn't want John to get any ideas, though he'd done plenty of that, too. "You looked like you were having fun, so I decided to try it. What do they call it? Peer pressure?" He snorted, not liking the way those words sounded to him. "Like it or not, you did have influence. I'd hoped I'd had a lasting one on you too, but... I guess not. Silly me."

"I'm not saying I want you to be a heartless prick, I'm just saying that you are a heartless prick half the time," John snapped because he didn't care to overthink these things, he just wanted to put them out there. He was sad and hurting, could anyone blame him for lashing out? The man he had a thing for seemed to think he was nothing but a bad influence. Not really a glowing compliment he was wanting, if he was honest. Things were so much easier before Jack got himself a team and friends, back when it was all fucking, fighting and working.

"Oh God, yeah, how could I not be influenced by your inconsistent and ever changing responses to me," John rolled his eyes, slumping back against the shower wall, defiant as ever at Jack's words. "You're right. I had fun and I still have fun. I was doing perfectly fine till you showed up and started fucking around in my life. You don't like how I live? Fine. That's you're problem, it's not mine. I was happy."

And truth be told, he wasn't very happy right now. Which was odd, really, he was often very happy when naked. What a killjoy Jack was.

Edited 2014-10-19 18:23 (UTC)

Jack shot a Look in at John with his comment on his responses. Could he not see that even now John was having an influence on him? He hated him being so nasty to him, and it even stung a little. He folded his arms and leaned against the wall, watching him under the spray.

"Right. Because nothing says 'I'm doing great' than hiding in a spaceship with a bullet through your leg like a wounded fox. Sounds like a great time to me." He snorted and huffed, looking away from him. Jack wasn't happy either, and since John's little stunt, he couldn't help but feel grumpy. John had set him off. He hated being this way and wondered what Gwen would say to soften him up. She always had a talent for that.

"Just.. finish scrubbing up, will you? I'm getting tired of waiting on you."

Being told what to do was a bad way to get John to do anything. With a stubborn and childish look, John crossed his arms and refused to scrub. Or hurry up. He didn't want to do either, he just wanted Jack to have to wait around, bored and annoyed, because that was exactly how John felt. That and it was fun to wind up Jack. Yes, he knew how childish it was. He really truly did. But that was just who he was and sometimes, he was pretty sure that Jack got at least the smallest shred of amusement. Or he hoped so anyway.

The thing with Jack was that he had changed and he was considerably less fun. But John could live with that. It was the day he couldn't so much as crack a smile that John would start considering cutting him forever.

"Nah, make me," John said bluntly from inside his very secure decontamination shower, a smirk on his face because being an awkward dick was always easier than doing a dealing with reality. "Or give me a little motivation. I mean I'm here, I'm naked and you have no suggestions?"

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?" he asked, entirely unamused. "First you say you don't want me looking after you, and now you're acting like a child and basically asking for me to hold you down and wash you like one?" Well, if it got the job done... "You know what? Fine. If you insist on being a child, I'll go ahead and treat you like one."

Jack pushed off the wall and pushed his way into the decontamination chamber, grabbing John by the wrist and began scrubbing his arm. "I'm getting fed up with you. It's not cute, no matter what you might think. It's actually pissing me off."

John laughed because he had to laugh, he didn't quite know what to do. Maybe it's because he knew if he continued talking to Jack any longer, he was probably going to end up hearing something he didn't want to hear. Something more anyway. "It's actually pissing you off now, is it? You know any logical person would have fucked off, now actually come in. Which says one of two things. You're worried about me for some stupid reason. Or You just really can't resist getting your hands on me."

Then, there was an amused noise because he really couldn't help himself. If only that was the motive but he sensed it was some boring 'sense of duty'. "If you're so fed up of me then let me die. I mean if I had some bloke I didn't like being this much of an arsehole I'd kill them. Or maybe eject them from my ship."

Not that he wanted either of those but the prospect was there. Then, with an amused look, he tilted his head to the side. "I guess we do differ a lot now, huh? Funny really."

"That's you. Remember how different we are? You said it yourself." Jack rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to let you die, I'm not going to kill you, and I'm not going to eject you from the ship. That's stupid." Jack moved up to John's shoulder, scrubbing that and moving up into his hair to work the spray into his scalp. "I'm trying to look after you, because heaven forbid you do it yourself. You've got amazing self-preservation skills when someone's shooting at you, but when it comes to doing anything about your actual health, you're pretty stupid."

He sighed, doing his best to work on that emotional distancing that was getting so hard for him to do. "I don't hate you. I told you that. I don't like the things you do or the person you are, but I can't hate you. Take that as you will." And that was going to be the last he said about it, because honestly, he was tired of talking in circles.

"If someone is shooting at me, I'm going to try and avoid it because it's instant death. But all this stuff? I'm not really scared of cancers much. If anything is going to kill me, it's the drugs or the booze. Maybe the strippers. I have to say, last time I was in the Vegas Station of Delta Twelve, one of them pulled a knife on me," He had swiftly disarmed her and they'd had some amazing hate sex but the point stood. He was likely to die as a hedonist. And he was pretty happy about that. Death was something he didn't want, not really, but he'd be proud to go out doing what he loved.

"I'm not taking it with much love," John admitted, the smallest shrug as he looked over at Jack, raising his own had to start decontaminating the lower parts. Well, he doubted Jack was in the mood to do them and do them well. "But it's not too bad. Knowing you're not hated is probably the best you can get from old friends. That and the occasional fuck for old times sake."

So it seemed as though Jack had at least some kind of influence over him. Enough to make him do things, anyway, which honestly actually made Jack feel a little proud of himself. "There, see? Not so hard, is it?" He remarked as John began to scrub himself. He moved around back of him, releasing John's wrist and scrubbing at his back, particularly in the harder-to-reach areas that might have otherwise gone neglected.

"I'm mad at you, there's not supposed to be much love at all." Jack's voice was flat and his movements clinical and methodical. "You pull a gun on a friend of mine and start making demands after I'd trusted that you were going to behave for me, of course I'm going to be upset. Doesn't matter if the gun was loaded or not working, accidents still happen." He leaned in to look at John's face and address him more directly. "You're unpredictable and hard to trust." If John were to look at Jack, he'd see that he actually looked a little hurt. "I hate that I can't trust you. I used to put my life into your hands, and now I can't trust you with anything. Maybe I'm not the one who changed."

"You know, you always talk to me like a child when I do something right. Not a good motivator. Do you do that with your team?" John asked because yes, he knew he reacted in an immature manner but was there really much reason to join in and talk down to him? -- Well, probably. Admittedly a lot of John's problems were caused by John just being John. Something he didn't quite grasp himself, if he was perfectly honest.

"It didn't have bullets and I knew he was going to jam it. He wasn't under any threat. I wouldn't of killed him even if I had bullets, he's the pilot of this thing and the only one who can fix my wrist strap," John admitted because he wasn't stupid and he wasn't going to start pretending he did it for noble reasons. The fact of the matter was he benefited from the Doctor being alive. With a sigh, John reached out and ran his fingers tentatively through Jack's hair, unsure if it was going to get his fingers broken or not. "Look, I'm sorry. Okay? Sorry. I fucked up. But I'm always going to do that. That's why you were there to try and stop that. And maybe you can't. Maybe I am a universal and unending fuck up."

And John didn't actually mind that reality too much, if he was honest. "Doesn't mean I don't try. Well, for you. You're the only person I put any effort in for any more, most people just expect carnage from me."

Edited 2014-10-20 11:09 (UTC)

"I'll talk to you like an adult when you start behaving like one." Jack went back to scrubbing his back, making sure to be extra thorough and happily taking his time. He paused, however, when he felt John's fingers in his hair, and closed his eyes with a sigh. This was why John was poison. He rested his forehead against John's shoulder, enjoying the rare tender touch.

"That's all I wanted from you," he said. "An apology. I shouldn't have to be there to stop you from doing things like that... I can't always be, and I worry that if I'm not, then something bad might happen and it might happen to you." The thought alone could have killed him. He wrapped his arms around John's waist and pulled him in for a hug.

"Thank you. For your effort, I mean..." He frowned and placed an affectionate kiss behind John's ear. "You're hard to figure out sometimes."

"Well, you should have bloody said! How am I meant to know?" Apologises always had to be coaxed out of John, mostly because he rarely felt sorry. Only Jack seemed able to make him actually feel sorry and he didn't even get how that worked. Maybe it was just how he reacted, just like this. The holding, the affection, how could a guy resist? Especially a guy half as hung up on Jack as John was. He'd kill everyone in the room to have Jack... though he knew very well how flawed that concept was, he'd still do it.

"I wasn't going to do it," John insisted because he felt it was very important to make it clear that he really didn't intend to fuck up. He hadn't been outwitted or defeated so yeah, he was just making that crystal clear. "It was funnier in my head but thinking back, I guess it's less amusing to you, what with the gun and all. I didn't read the room, pranks are best played without weapons or radiation. Lesson learned."

Then, with an amused noise, he pushed himself up so he could give Jack a proper kiss on the lips. He didn't deepen it though, he got it, now wasn't the time to push things. "I'll keep trying. If I have to. Not overly happy about it, mind you, but here I am so."

This was the John that Jack knew. Sure, he was pompous, reckless, and insane on good days, but on the best days when they were on their own, this was the John that Jack got to know and love. He kissed him back and tightened his hold on him. Yes, he really was a sentimental old bastard after all.

"Is that something I can trust you to follow through on?" He asked, looking directly into John's eyes. He wanted to trust John, truly. But he'd just finished saying how much he couldn't. Still, he'd cut the snark and certainly looked sincere enough... but John was also a world-class liar. He lifted a hand to John's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. "I want to believe in you. Please don't make it hard for me to do."

"What? You want me to keep doing it forever? Or like a set amount of time?" John knew what Jack meant but he couldn't resist teasing. John didn't make promises like that, he knew he couldn't keep them. When things got hard, tricky or just awkward, all he wanted to do was lash out and hurt as much as he could. And it wasn't for a lack of trying, he was just very much set in his ways. It was easier t be a hedonist, it was easier to kill people for money and hell, it was easier to lash out. Surely Jack understood that better than anyone.

"I can try. How's that? If I try to be my absolute best, will that make you happy?" Of course his absolute best had leeway but he wasn't going to bring that up. Nah, he was just going to keep on enjoying the way Jack was touching him. Yep, definitely felt nice. Worthy of any lies and sweet words he had to give. "How about I just reel in the murders a little and cut back on the weapons?"

"I can't ask you to take them out entirely, but dialing it back would be a nice place to start. Less murder, more self-defence." He knew that he was asking a lot of John. After all, how much impact could he have when John had been in and out of rehab so many times for these problems already? "But yes, it would make me happy." He let himself smile a little. "I'd like to know that I maybe had some positive impact on you."

He shifted his focus a little, scrubbing a little at John's face before letting him go. "You should finish up and dry off. I'll go ask how much longer the decontamination of the TARDIS is going to be. Maybe we can still have some time together before he takes me back." He ran a hand through his damp hair and started toward the door of the chamber.

"It's not like most the bastards I kill don't have it coming. I'm walking karma, I am. You've seen the people I get paid to take out, I rarely feel all that bad for them," John did often get contracts to assassinate the worst of the worst so no, he wouldn't stop that. As far as he was concerned, he wasn't doing anything wrong there. But okay, yeah, the randomly killing anyone in his way could be scaled back. If it had to be at least. "Hey, you had a lot of positive impact. I just forgot a lot of it and time want by, it's hard to keep on top."

When Jack wasn't here constantly, it was a little hard to keep his life lessons at heart. Wiping the water from his face, John grabbed a nearby towel and started to dry his hair up. He wasn't standing around in a shower for ages while Jack buggered off so safe or not, he was getting out. "Tell the Doc I'm not nuclear any more, would you?"

Jack raised an eyebrow as John spoke about the people he killed. He wasn't supposed to be proud of it. After all, how else could he help convince him to change? Still, the compliment made his face soften, and he even smiled. "You always did have a hard time getting on top." He winked and left the chamber to turn off the spray and find a towel of his own to dry off with.

Jack had to step away from John. He knew that the TARDIS wasn't really in much danger of being irradiated. After all, it was able to handle everything that outer space and the time vortex had to throw at it and make it out just fine. He just needed some space before he fell back in love with John, which was remarkably easy to do, especially when he was being sweet and honest like that. It wasn't fair. Jack was supposed to be better than this; over it and John entirely. Still, he wrapped himself in his towel and went to seek out the Doctor. Maybe he could provide some insight.

The Doctor was halfway under the console, tinkering with something or other, mostly to distract himself and gather his thoughts. This was all a lot more than he had expected today and part of him regretted picking Jack up. Maybe he could have thought of another solution, perhaps even a better one, but this had seemed like such an obvious pick all until he'd seen him entangled with John. Now this mess.

Only his lower half peeked out, the sound of the sonic audible, as well as some banging. The usual.

He was initially a little cold, but found as he dried off that he was warming up quite nicely. Of course, maybe some of that had to do with nearing the warm TARDIS control room. He spots the Doctor's long legs sticking out from underneath the console and circled round until he was in front of him on the lower level, leaning on the railing to smile at him.

"She doesn't sound broken," he teased. "What're you doing under there?"

"Breaking her, probably," the Doctor admitted, moving out from under the console and then sitting up just enough to lean back against it and look at Jack. Forget about the whole fixed point in time issue, the really vexing thing about the man was that he knew enough about mechanics to be very hard to bullshit by pretending to have to do something or other with the console.

"Nice outfit. Bit breezy, isn't it?"

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