neverwouldiever | IC Inbox

OKAY!

[And, yes, the Doctor is drunk enough that there actually is a picture. Granted, it's badly lit, mostly focuses on a purple silk dress and part of his thumb, but there is some naked flesh. Could be a thigh! Or a shoulder. Exciting.]

Oh, nothing wrong with that at all, as long as everyone's consenting. Tell you a secret, Jack, no one knows it anymore, only I do.

Shhhhhh.

The Time Lords all sucked.

And not in a good way.

:D :D :D

Very erotic, Doctor. Thank you.

Why did the Time Lords suck? Can they be taught the good way? I could teach. I'm a very good teacher.

You're welcome! Send me one!!!

Oh, they were boring. And prudish. And obsessed with rules. 's why I took off, y'know. I'm actually a terrible Time Lord. Not now, now I'm the best. Funny how that goes.

As you wish

[ Soon enough comes a rather provocative photo of Jack shot from above. He's holding his dick and smiling in a suggestive manner. ]

Are you also the best at sucking?

Huh. How did you take that?

[Yes. That's what he's focusing on.]

Always had an oral fixation. ;)

I've got two hands, believe it or not.

Have you? Tell me more about it. What do you like to suck on?

I know that! You have two of most of the important things. Well, apart from hearts. No wonder you people are all so slow. I was just wondering about the angle! Good picture.

Er. Well, mostly I lick things to taste what they're made of.

You like it? I'd love one of you like that. Kind of hard to see through the... fabric?

I've got something you can lick. Hint: It's in that photo I sent.

Well. I can try.

[He does, valiantly. There are even two pictures. One has just his thumb. The next is very blurry, because he evidently can't keep still. But he's definitely a naked blur!]

I can't lick that, silly. I'm all the way over here and also back then, not there and now.

You have a time machine, don't you? You should use it to get back here so I can take some halfway decent photos for you to send to me. I get lonely.

You're asking me to go all the way forward to you, land in Torchwood, run around naked the whole time and all that just so you can do a photo shooting?

Nah.

Doesn't have to just be photos. I'm fairly certain that I could make it worth your while. Place is empty and it's got *great* acoustics

...Captain Jack Harkness, you can film your porno movies without me!

But I'd much rather do it with you. Hence why I texted you in the first place.

Does that ever work for you? You are terrible at this. Is this how you seduce people? You're just lucky you look good.

I don't get this oversexed just by being cute. Though it helps.

It's more effective in person, trust me.

Pretty sure it's mainly that. Humans are horny, everyone knows that.

I could seduce you from here!

Only because you know I'm already seduced. You're so mean to me.

I want another photo to make up for that.

[He just sends a picture of his face, but at least it's a very clear picture. And, yes, he's sticking his tongue out.]

If I knew where the TARDIS was right now I'd so be over there. Give you a spanking.

Don't make promises you can't keep, Doctor.

Have you met me? I do that all the time.

If I can promise people they'll survive, I can promise you an orgasm.

Ohh, drinking makes me bitter.

Clearly. Let's work on getting you happy again. If you could pick any place in the universe to have sex at, where would it be?

The TARDIS.

Haven't done that in a while.

Really? That's all? Seems kind of... vanilla, don't you think?

I don't even do it in the first place, so why would I be thinking about doing it on the back of a dinosaur?

...for instant.

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after a few minutes of trying to decipher what the hell he's seeing

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