neverwouldiever | Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and other Sounds

"Course he's jealous, have you met me? Everyone's jealous," John mocked because he couldn't help himself. His go to response was arrogance and while that often shot him in the foot, he doubted he'd be able to come and out play anyway. The Doctor didn't trust him because, well, he was a prick. A total prick. And John wanted to shoot his kneecaps off.

That was probably why he didn't trust him.

"I'm always useful, you know? I can help. I can even be good. And like I said, unarmed. See, I'm harmless. Harmless as a boy scout."

"Jealous? This isn't a date, Jack. I don't want him along because I know I can't trust him and there are lives at stake." The Doctor looked at John, arching an eyebrow. "I know that's all very dull and unexciting to your boyfriend, but last I checked it mattered to you. So, no, I don't want him along and, no, I'm not jealous." A tad touchy, maybe, but it wasn't his best day. It wasn't his best time and he doubted he'd get any good times again. Just a feeling.

"Do you have some blood in your actual head again or shall I send her back into orbit until you can focus?"

Jack blinked. he hadn't expected the Doctor to get so nasty, but there it was. Maybe he was just stressed about the situation. Still, he made his position quite clear and Jack was nothing if not a good soldier. He saluted. "Yes sir. Good to go."

To be honest, he didn't trust John much either, but that had been the entirety of their relationship, pretty much. He gave John another apologetic look and a shoulder shrug. What could he do? His hands were tied in a way. Though not in the fun way. That would have to come later.

Dear God, what a total prat. Saluting his ex. Awful to watch, awful to know. Rolling his eyes, John slumped over the rails, knowing this would happen. He knew he wasn't going anywhere with the Doctor. He'd just have to go alone, that was pretty much that. "Fine, whatever, piss off. I'll just be here, bored." Then, with a dismissive wave, John turned away to look at his wrist strap, pretending to be interested in everything but those two.

The Doctor flinched when Jack saluted, almost taking it back, not that he really could. He hadn't meant for that. But he wasn't about to draw this out any more in front of Jack, so he just nodded, running around the console as the TARDIS landed. He patted the console and muttered something for her ears only, then he headed for the door, holding it open to let Jack out first. Once outside he used the screwdriver to make sure the doors would stay closed and then he looked at Jack.

They were in some engine room, nondescript enough that it could have been much anywhere. But the Doctor knew that this might very well be the last time him and Jack were alone like this and so he had to try and fix it, at least a little. "Sorry about that. I'm... I'm a bit stressed these days. I don't have much time left."

With that promising statement coming from a man with a time machine, he headed for the closest door. "I'll give you instructions while you're in there and I don't want you wasting time. Just because you come back doesn't mean I don't care if you die."

Jack followed the Doctor out, looking around. He'd taken him somewhere unfamiliar, but in his experience, most engine rooms seemed to be about the same. He frowned at the Doctor's insistence that he was going to die soon. "We'll talk about that later."

He followed closely behind him, not knowing exactly where they were going, but he could already hear the reactors, and the menacing buzz shot a chill through him. He swallowed and nodded, unfastening his shirt again and climbing out of his bracers and trousers. John would never forgive him if he had to stay away from Jack because of a silly thing like irradiated clothing.

"I know... I'm not stupid. I mean, it's not like we haven't done this before, right?" Jack laughed and winked. It was about all he could do to keep from getting scared. "Just... maybe don't let me die." He smiled and pressed the button on the panel that let him into the room and headed straight in without another word.

"You'll be fine, Jack." The Doctor spoke into a microphone after configuring the settings to make sure the Captain could hear him alright. "They are done evacuating, so it's just the two of us and a lot of stuff that could kill us. Just like old times. I take it back, maybe it's a date after all. I'm a great romantic." He hoped his fairly poor attempts at humour might cease Jack's worry. "Alright. Do you see the broken valve? There should be a replacement piece somewhere nearby. Looking exactly like that, just, well, not broken. Do you see it?"

He tapped his fingers against the wall, not aware of having fallen back to the familiar rhythm. One, two, three, four. Always there at the back of his mind. "Thank you for the view, by the way. I'll see if I can get security camera footage, maybe we can sell it."

"If this is how you get off, I might need a bigger dowry." Jack laughed, looking around for the parts that the Doctor had specified. "Yeah, I see them!" He hurried over to the valve, noticing the piece on the floor. Everything stung, making it difficult to touch anything without getting burned. He could feel the radiation attacking his cells, but just as easily, he felt them repairing and staving off the damage as well.

Jack pulled the piece from the ground, hissing and dropping it the first couple of times before he steeled himself to pick up the metal piece. He hurried back to the broken valve, and using the tools that had clearly been abandoned on the floor, got to work replacing it.

"If you like the view so much, you know you don't need a special invitation to get it, right?"

"I don't know about that. If the way to my heart was as specific as seeing your naked body barely withstand radiation damage, I'd really suggest you don't offer." Of course they'd be teasing and flirting in this situation. Very much them, the Doctor supposed. Very much Jack at any rate and the man did have a way of bringing it out in him. He had to smile despite himself, even though he didn't stop watching carefully, making sure Jack wasn't having too much trouble. "If you can just put the casing back on when you're done, the whole thing should be stabilizing. I'll have to figure out a new algorithm to make it work without blowing up again, but that shouldn't be a problem."

Jack easily did as he was told and snapped the casing back over the valve when he was finished replacing it. He had to admit that it started to sound better already. More of a regular radioactive hum than the evil, nasty sound he'd heard when he first came in. Without wanting to spend too much time in the room, Jack hurried to the door, knocking on it quickly. "All right, we're done! Can you please let me out? I don't want my hair to start falling out!"

Also, he wanted to get back to John to make certain he wasn't cannibalising the TARDIS for valuables or anything.

The Doctor nodded and quickly opened the door for Jack, closing it immediately once the man was inside. He kept his distance, for radiation reasons as well as some that had the potential to be even more dangerous, even if in more complicated, emotional ways. "I'll need to walk over to the main control room. You can go back to the TARDIS already, I suppose." He wasn't sure if Jack remembered that talk he wanted to have, but he wasn't about to bring it up himself. "Just stay away from the console room. Go to your room if you have to, you know. Kiss and stuff right away."

Jack hurried out and collected his clothes, and shaking his hands and dancing a little, as if it would help him expel all the radiation he'd collected. Jack frowned at the Doctor when he said he had things to do. "What about you?" he asked, pausing in the middle of pulling on his shirt, and actually looking a little hurt. "What are you going to do? I should probably come with you just in case, right?" Still... he didn't trust John to be by himself for this long, especially in one of the most valuable pieces of technology in the universe. Maybe he'd be able to distract John long enough for the Doctor to get back.

"No.. No, you're right. Stupid... Just... hurry up, okay? I don't know how long I can keep his sticky fingers out of the TARDIS." He pulled up his trousers and gave the Doctor a quick kiss on the cheek before heading back to the TARDIS.

It wasn't hard to get out of the TARDIS, that part had been childs play. Really, he called that ship a good one? It'd sell well because of the retro look but mostly, he wasn't thrilled with it. Old, faulty, easy to break. Hence why he was here, behind the Doctor, and not inside it still. The locks didn't even require any sort of extra coding, what was that all about?

And the guns? Well, John could find a gun anywhere he needed to. The workers had some unusual things in their lockers and while this cheap crappy handgun wasn't the best, he could still blow someone's brains out.

"Hello again," John said in a friendly tone, pressing the barrel to the back of the Doctor's head. "You have five seconds to convince me not to blow your brains out all over the floor."

"I really wish people would stop doing that. Guns, me, any combination and it never ends well." So the Doctor didn't sound overly worried, but he had stilled, even tensed. His hands stayed where they were, but that put one of them very close to the sonic screwdriver and that was a definite option. He didn't care for weapons much, but he could disable them, given half a chance.

The question was whether he'd have half a chance. No good to reason with John, he knew enough about him by now. "I'm worth a lot more alive than dead. Not just sentimental value. High bounty from several species, just for the privilege of killing me. Lots of money, dead Doctor, everyone wins. Well. I don't, but I reckon that's beside the point."

Jack had nearly lost his mind when he'd returned and seen John missing. John had left and that could never, ever be a good thing. Particularly when he had no idea what was available for him. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long to find out.

"John," Jack's voice was full of fire. He was threatening the Doctor. His Doctor. guns... No guns with the Doctor. He'd removed his pistol back at the Hub in effort to keep John's hands off of it, and now he was sincerely regretting that decision. "Put. The Gun. Down. NOW." There was always the possibility that John might pull the trigger. He sincerely hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"What? You think a bounty would appease me? Please, I kill fuckers like you, I don't bargain with them," The Doctor had wronged him and in John's eyes, he deserved to die. Grabbing the Doctor around his neck, he hauled him close protectively as Jack arrived, partially using him as a shield to protect himself but also tilting him so the gun was firmly against his temple.

"Oh give me a reason not to, Jack. Really, give me one good reason. Because no matter what happens after this point, I'm screwed. The benefit I have is that I can at least screw you two over in the process," Yes, the old John Hart end game. If he had to suffer, he could make sure everyone else did. He could take the Doctor's life and hurt Jack quite badly before he ended up locked away for the rest of eternity. "Trouble with taking a man's freedom, Jack. I have nothing to gamble over. This is literally it, I'm not going to lose or win either way regardless of what happens to him. I just feel a little happier when he dies!"

The Doctor leaned back because he wasn't given much of a choice. And people wondered why he disliked guns. He wasn't worried about dying, partly because he knew that it wouldn't be now. Four knocks and this time, there hadn't even be one. This wasn't how he'd die, never mind how hard the gun was pressed against him.

Maybe he ought to point out that killing him would definitely mean not getting laid with Jack tonight, but he reckoned this wasn't going to work at this point either. So instead he moved his hand a little, hoping it wouldn't draw attention, closer to the sonic screwdriver. "How long since you left the TARDIS, John? You can take a lot less radiation damage than either of us."

Jack was fully ready to bargain with John, threaten violence, anything to get him to release the Doctor. However, when the Doctor spoke, Jack paled. He was right, and Jack hadn't even stopped to consider the fact that there might have been radiation leaks through the hallways. Either that, or it was a clever ploy by a very clever man. In any case, he still looked absolutely horrified.

"John... John we need to go back to the TARDIS. You might have been exposed... and if you were, we need to get you treated right away. Please, don't be stupid, and just listen!"

Radiation? Wait, what? No. Shit. They were lying. They had to be lying because he was winning for once and they couldn't take it. Grinding his teeth, John stayed his ground, even if the slight tremble of the gun gave away that he was feeling a little less confident. If there was one thing John liked and one thing he cared about, it was being alive. Trust these two to try and rob that from him too.

"You're lying. You're just trying to get me to drop the gun. I'm not going to. I'd rather be radiated," John insisted, even if he wouldn't. They were tricking him, it was as simple as that. Right? There was a brief moment when he frowned, looking at Jack like he wasn't quite sure. "... You're lying. I'm sure of it."

"Drop the gun? Now, why would you do that? Keep the gun where it is, how about that? Let's just walk back together, you can keep threatening me. Makes you feel powerful, doesn't it? Gun in your hand. Too bad it doesn't help against radiation." The Doctor's finger in his pocket had reached the screwdriver and he slowly tried to spin it around so he could actually use it. Not an easy task with a gun at his temple, but he'd been through worse.

"Jack isn't lying. He didn't even know until I told him." Now, whether or not the Doctor was lying, that was another matter. But either way, the power of suggestion could be very influential. "But you can feel it, can't you? Crawling all over you. Let's go to the TARDIS. Bring the gun, it'll be fun."

Sometimes, Jack wished that the Doctor would just shut up. John usually didn't take well to being so openly mocked. Still, he was usually better at this sort of thing than Jack was, and that was very much a saving grace.

"John... I'm safe. The Doctor is safe. Our bodies can handle it... Yours can't. Trust me when I say this, John, cancer is not a great way to go. Not to mention all of the other health effects it'll have on you." He took a cautious step forward, hands empty and raised. "If we hurry, we can help you. Your hair is much too pretty for you to lose."

"I'm not being tricked by this fucker," John insisted as he kept the gun firmly against the Doctor's head. Hey, he'd had radiation sickness before and hell, if he was going to die because of these two then he was at least going to make a mark. Adding pressure and taunts to John when he'd under stress was perhaps the most unwise move anyone could make, it always made him a little more impulsive.

John was at heart a gambler. "You're trying to get into my head, aren't you? I know it. I'm not a idiot. Suggesting symptoms so I feel them? Oldest trick in the book, mate. So here's the easiest way to prove it to me, prove that I'm being radiated. Fix my bit of kit here and I'll be able to detect the radiation." John said as he shoved his arm out a little further so the Doctor could take a look. Maybe do whatever zappy thing he did with that blue wand he had. "If you actually give a shit about me and you living through this then fix it? If you don't, we die together. Seems fun, right? Death! Exciting. Never done that before."

John let out a nervous but reckless laugh with anything but a stable smile on his face. Dying was terrifying but dying while he took someone with him he didn't like? Seemed like a fitting end. "Come on, times a'ticking. If I'm going to die, all these moments are very precious."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, but he acquiesced readily enough, taking out his screwdriver and flipping through the seconds. Only for a second or two it ended up being pointed toward the gun, but the Doctor's eyes were on the screwdriver and his eyebrows went up. Huh. Well.

He held the sonic screwdriver against John's vortex manipulator, shifting his weight from one feet to the other as a song started to play. He hummed the first few beats of 'My heart will go on', but one glance at Jack's serious expression made him stop the song and, after a few moments, the humming as well. "I was on the Titanic once. Well. Twice. But one time in space. Not the original Titanic, obviously. But it didn't end well either. I met an Alonso there. Maybe I should introduce you some time, Jack."

While he talked he finished up unlocking the settings required to measure radiation. He grabbed John's wrist to have a look, whistling under his breath. "Would you look at that! There really is radiation."

Jack was nearly about to reach for his vortex manipulator instead when the Doctor had decided that he wanted to cooperate. Great. He sighed and lowered his arms. He wasn't playing around, and this wasn't fun for him anymore. "That was Christmas, right?" Jack wasn't sure where he was going with this, but no one would soon be forgetting the Christmas that the Titanic nearly crashed into Buckingham Palace. "Maybe you should." He turned his attention right to John, staring hard at him. "I like clever men who don't make stupid decisions."

The Doctor's reaction made Jack's eyebrows lift in surprise. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, after all, who knew how long that valve had been leaking before the two of them stepped in to fix it? "..How bad is it?"

"You like anything that breathes," John shot back with a frown, looking at his readings with a frown. There was radiation but it wasn't too bad. For radiation anyway. If he didn't get inside that ship then he was probably going to die slowly and painfully, it was a matter of getting away from the exposure that mattered. With a sigh, John gave Jack a look that was just on the verge of a sulky child who'd been proved wrong.

"Well. Shit," John said bluntly as he turned to Jack, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. Oh how could he resist one more chance at giving Jack a shock because hell, they'd spent days together with Jack waving his authority around. Time for John to take the piss.

So, with a shrug, he cocked the gun back and without little thought, he fired.

And nothing happened. John grinned playfully, pressing it a few more times because he knew this was going to happen. For two reasons. One, the gun was entirely empty. And secondly, he was pretty sure the Doctor, being the smark bloke he is, already jammed it. Holding it up playfully, he offered it to the Doctor standing in front of him. "You cheated."

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One last tag before sleep!

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